They thought they could change me. That immersing me in this… darkness… would help. That it would make things different. Fix me. Shatter the thing that claws. That bites. They thought they could break the beast within me by plunging me into memories. By trying to change what I know. Change my experience. Eliminate the past.
I told them this wouldn’t work.
I’m all for destroying the beast inside—believe me, I am—but…
I want to do it right. Correct. Vanquish the beast completely.
I know the beast within. I know it well.
After all—this beast within?
It’s just me.
And I knew:
This wouldn’t work. I told them very directly, very plainly.
This won’t work.
I wasn’t wrong. Continue reading “Beast Trigger”
Falling through the dark.
Face-first. Arms out. Stretching forward. Wanting to go deeper. Willing to dive further.
I didn’t fall as it wanted me to. As it’s tried so hard to get me to do. I didn’t stumble into the dark. Didn’t trip my way into this void. No, I didn’t fall.
I jumped into the darkness.
When it threatened to swallow me whole, I didn’t dare back down. Not this time. Not ever again. This has been going on for too long now. Weighed on me too heavily.
But no more.
I will not be afraid.
Continue reading “Be Still, Dark”
The river runs, and it runs, and it runs.
Right through the building. Washing over every floor. Coating all the walls, and filling every hall.
The river runs.
Black tar, river runs.
It builds on the walls. Closes off the doorways. Makes open and shut impossible for them. For us.
Time is running.
Running river, black tar.
Run from the river. The river is running for you.
It runs for you.
Run, run, run from the river.
Run. Continue reading “Spill”
Revenge is petty.
A waste of your time. A way to be consumed, to give your time and energy and life away to something that’s already stolen from you.
Vengeance is not my goal. Not my ideal. What I do, I don’t do out of hate, or spite, or anger. Revenge is not my motivation.
I have more important things to do. Better motivations.
I have lives to move forward.
People to protect.
Them included. Continue reading “Untrapped”
At the very beginning of the night, I fell through the screen door. Just, like, fwish. That was the kind of sound it made. And then there was the loud thud or whatever as my drunk ass hit the ground, but that’s not the important part.
At the start of tonight, I fell through a screen door.
That’s not right.
It’s not right.
That happened after.
Because I still had my hat on, but I hadn’t busted my knee hopping into the slide.
…not yet. Continue reading “Slides and Screen Doors”
There is long corridor ahead. A vast hallway. A maze that twists and turns.
There are right paths.
And there are wrong paths.
And there are plenty of places where they intersect. Where the right and the wrong give opportunity for you to switch from one to the other. Which leaves you wondering:
Which is right?
And which is wrong?
It’s is a hefty question. One tied to consequence and reality.
And if I don’t find the correct route?
But, what do I lose?
That’s a better question.
And it’s one that’s rather difficult to answer. Continue reading “A Thousand Drums”
There is rain and there is wind and there is fire in this world. And they rage and they roar and they drown us. They run rampant. Out of control. Everything you’ve built in your lifetime can be trampled entirely to dust so easily by these monstrosities. These natural foes that wage their wiles. These wiles that they impose on us.
And what can you do but drown?
But be blown away?
And what can make things better? What can heal what the world itself breaks? What could possibly even hope to give you strength to move forward? To continue?
I look through the wind and the rain and the glass to see them sitting and laughing and I wonder.
I wonder… Continue reading “An Inner Demon Speaks”